Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
