I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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