In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
