I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
