I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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