some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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