Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
it was like eating out sand paper
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
