Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
