i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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