Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
