i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
