Im at strip club and am horny
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
