I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
