I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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