her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
and you fell through a lawn chair
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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