Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
