Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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