Will you blow on my dice?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
