shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize