I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
