i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
my shit smells like andre
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
