I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Panties = found
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