I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
