I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize