the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
