Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
