is wine microwaveable?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
