So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
