her vagina looked like bernie madoff
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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