So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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