We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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