Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
