Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
