Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
