i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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