My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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