dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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