I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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