It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I said "one day" and that day is not today
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
