You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
