Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
