I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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