A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
