And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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