last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
he's gonorrhea incarnate
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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