Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Do you remember whose house we're in?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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