I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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