They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
