Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
