We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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