why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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