Buhtt sex?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Randomize
