Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
