Who did Billy Mays play for?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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