Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
