haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize