the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
