She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
