smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
