Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
