i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
