I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
