i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
