what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
